I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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