So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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