Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just invented taco cereal.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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