I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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