he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
