I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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