worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
