Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
