you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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