Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
