You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize