Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
