Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
