I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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