I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
