You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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