I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
