I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
