i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
