Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
