I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
