I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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