My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
