Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
