I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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