Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dicks are not precious.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
