They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
