By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
