i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
