You're completely useless in the revolution.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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