The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
