the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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