Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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