Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
