"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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