Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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