imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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