What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
