just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize