my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
