So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
