I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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