here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
