dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
