Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
