i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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