one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
