Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is it because I queefed?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
