New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
