Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Pants are for mortals
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize