What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize