found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
