I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
