Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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