this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
