I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
