Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
