My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
