I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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