I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize