Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
