YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
