Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
