yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He shit in the fireplace
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
