Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize