Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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