I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
