too bad you live with your parents still
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
