So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
